There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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