i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
