Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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