I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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