Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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