A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
