I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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