Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
