I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
