SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
