They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
