I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
