My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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