you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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