I hate your face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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