I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
