He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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