Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
