It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
