Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
