Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
