If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
