Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
