I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
