from now on my penis is your penis
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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