Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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