he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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