you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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