Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
