i think my tv is drunk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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