i don't like sucking hair
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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