He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So many bounce houses so little time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
