When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
