Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
