I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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