My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
