Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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