i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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