i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
