Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
