you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
