good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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