i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
