She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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