The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When are your genitals available?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
