My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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