I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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