How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
