I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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