how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
