i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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