After last night, I could never be a politician.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
