Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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