True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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