Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
